I'm definitely a therapeutic writer...


Written on 8:09 PM by gracefully discovering:

Almost three years to the day...that I've blogged, SMH. When  I was pregnant with the twins and had just found out about Nia's heart, a mom of an adult HLHS'er told me that the people who blog about their kiddos are the ones who are struggling and having a difficult journey--the rest of the success stories are busy living life. At the time, I didn't really pay it much attention, but as I come back to this blog to begin writing about our upcoming journey---it completely comes full circle for me.

It's been three awesome years! The girls are growing up so quickly before our eyes: both extremely smart and smart mouthed, beautiful, fun, happy and loving little ladies. They are the most amazing blessings that God has ever given us. We've been busy living life.

But here we are, round three of surgeries, and I'm back to the blog. Nia has her Fontan scheduled for 1/24 and we go in tomorrow for her pre-op appointment. She has a little a cold, so we're thinking that they are going to postpone it until she is free of any virus or infection.  I know that postponing it will be the best thing for her medically, but it just gives me a little anxiety. It's like we prepare for the day as much as we can, and then it's not the day--and you have to try and prepare all over again.

We haven't really had to deal with this for 3 years---she has been doing great heart wise, just her regularly scheduled check-ups. And now all of the feelings in my stomach get all tied up in a knot and I dream and I pray and I picture her walking through those double doors, where Nick and I can't go....and the next time that I see my baby...she is sedated, with a breathing tube, IV's, chest tubes, hooked up to all of the monitors in the WORLD and I can't hold her. I can't make her feel better. It breaks my heart....but I know that she needs it and that it is going to help her heart function as normal as possible.

I went back and read all of my post from the previous surgeries and all of the overwhelming feelings came back...and then I looked at my sweet baby girl and said "look at her now," You wouldn't know what she has been through. So I'm holding on to my faith in the Lord and my trust in her surgeon and believing that in a few months, she will be back to this crazy and feisty little girl that we all know and love.

We will find out tomorrow if it's a GO.