FAITH.....

Written on 1:58 PM by gracefully discovering:

"HAVE FAITH" are two words that I have heard very frequently through this journey with Nia's special heart. People from all different backgrounds and age groups tend to speak those words to me- in an attempt to make me feel better.
(I'm really going to try and articulate my feelings in this blog without sounding crazy or setting myself up for backlash...sigh)

I believe that there is a BIG difference in having faith in God's ABILITY and having faith in KNOWING what He is going to do. Many individuals have affirmed their Faith in KNOWING what Gods plan is for Nia. They have told me several times that they "know" that she is going to be fine, that God is going to heal her heart and the Doctors won't find anything wrong with it, and that it will in fact all be okay...so I shouldn't stress about it.

But we don't really know that. What I know is...
1. GOD is able to do ALL THINGS!
2. GOD knows what is best for us, even when it's not what we believe is best for us
3. GOD doesn't make ANY mistakes
4. GOD is a miracle maker
5. GOD is a healer
6. GOD is an all knowing GOD
7. GOD is omnipotent

And most importantly that GOD's WILL will be done. And we never know what HIS will is- or what his plan or purpose is for our lives. So for me to have Faith in KNOWING what his plan is, is a bit naive. I have faith in 100% of my mind, body, and spirit that GOD will do what is best for our baby girl. I believe with all of my heart and soul that HIS WILL will be done. And I am praying that whatever HE decides to do (because He knows best) that HE gives us the strength, peace and patience to get through it.

I want nothing more than for our baby girl to survive all three surgeries and live a very normal, happy and healthy life. I want to shower her with all of the love that I can muster up inside of me and protect her from anything that could hurt her. I want to give her my heart so that she could have a chance at life. I want nothing more than to KNOW that GOD is 100% for sure gonna give her that chance at bringing total happiness to our lives.

But the reality is, I don't know if that will happen. There are two possible outcomes...either it will happen..or it won't. And I'm gonna prepare myself for both of those outcomes. And if anyone believes that because I chose to "deal" with it this way means that I don't have faith...then please understand that I have total faith in GOD and that HIS WILL will be done.